Sunday, August 29, 2010
Flashes in the Dark interview
Many thanks to Lori and a terrific ezine!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Lucien greeted Death and Chronos with a jovial salute as they arrived for the monthly poker game.
"Glad you could make it, gentlemen. I want to thank the two of you for sending Jeeves to me."
"Why?" Death said. "Did you find a particularly amusing way to torture him?"
"Hell no. He's the best bouncer I've ever had and he broke Lilith's habit of sticking gum under the tables, too."
Chronos stared at him. "Jeeves? I thought he buttled."
"Buttled?" Lucien gave him a blank look.
Death nudged Time in the ribs with his olecranon. "I don't think that's a real word, my friend."
Jeeves came out of the back carrying trays of food. He set it all down on the table and held up a glass dish.
Death looked at the four peanuts lying there and raised his metacarpus.
"No! Wait." Lucien ran to the bar and hurdled it, racing back with a bowl full of peanuts. He wiped the sweat from his brow with one hand as he offered the snack to Death with the other.
"Jeeves, go greet our other guests," Lucien said and heaved a sigh of relief as Death took the bowl from him.
Chronos chuckled as he watched Jeeves take a clothes brush to Michael's wings and light Clotho's cigar for her.
"You have him well-trained, Lucien, but he's living on borrowed time around Death."
"I see that," Evil muttered. Death's eye sockets still glowed red and he hadn't tossed a single peanut into them yet.
When War stomped in, Jeeves tried to fuss with his cloak and got a smack in the jaw for his efforts. Death settled back and tossed a peanut into his eye socket, his jaw dropped in a grin. He picked up the deck of cards and shuffled them.
"Five card stud, anyone? Opening wager is Jeeves's soul."
©2010 Laura Eno
I wish I had her gift of gab, to come home from work, whip out a camera and shoot pictures then pound out a post that delighted me. I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it too.
While you're there, remember she's still looking for wedding stories. Go on, send her yours…you know you want to.
Life on the Muskoka River
Thanks for being so enthusiastic, Cathy!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
A dour man opened the door to Time's residence when Death knocked.
"Is the Master expecting you?"
Death stared the man down, eye sockets glowing red. The butler didn't blink.
"Jeeves, let Death enter and go buttle, or whatever it is you do." Chronos edged the man away from the door. "Sorry about that."
"Since when did you hire staff?"
Chronos sighed and sank back down on the sofa, looking like he'd fought a battle all morning.
"The Purgatory Registration Center has a new "Right to Work" clause in their union contract. They told me I have to employ at least one staff member."
"That sucks, dude. My Furies count as staff so they won't bother me with that. Hey, Jeeves, be useful and bring me a bowl of peanuts, will you?"
Chronos watched in fascination as Jeeves brought out four peanuts on a crystal dish, insisting on holding onto it while Death snacked. The ensuing tug-of-war ended when Death waved his hand and the butler disappeared.
"Where'd he go?"
"I sent him to Lucien's bar. You didn't want to keep him, did you?"
"No, but he was better than the housekeeper they sent over this morning. She turned on the vacuum while I was watching TV and told me to get my feet off the coffee table."
"I have the perfect solution." Death popped out and Chronos heard the Harley start up outside. A short time later he came roaring back, carrying a statue into the house.
"What's this?" Chronos looked at the lifelike old woman dressed in a uniform as Death propped her in the corner.
"Meet Matilda, your new housekeeper. I went over to the registration center and interviewed staff for you. Matilda here turns into a statue whenever she hears a loud noise."
"Perfect." Chronos clapped his friend's clavicle and sat back down on the sofa, turning the volume up on the TV. Death joined him with a proper bowl of peanuts.
"I wonder how Lucien's getting on with Jeeves?" Chronos said.
Death dropped his jaw and tossed a peanut into the air. "I'm sure by now he's sent Jeeves where he belongs."
©2010 Laura Eno
Monday, August 16, 2010
First of all, I'd like to thank each and every one of you for the tremendous support you give me as friends. If it weren't for all of you, I'd be talking to Jezebel and Mr. Fluffy all the time—and we know how bad that could turn out.
The judges woke up long enough to devour all the catnip and tuna left for them. As a thank you, they each burped once before falling back asleep. The house smells fishy now.
As the random picks out of a hat (by my trusty husband as the judges wouldn't cooperate) the winners are:
Helen Ginger and Deanna Schrayer
Congratulations, ladies. I hope (plead) that you enjoy it!
Email me at: laura AT lauraeno.com with a mailing address and the name I should use, in case you're in the Witness Protection Program.
That was the easy part. Picking the one who kissed my behind/sucked up to me the best was a difficult choice. So many of you deserve gold stars, at the very least. After much agonizing—and multiple bowls of ice cream—I decided the best suck-up person around is:
*one more drum roll*
Congratulations to you, my dear. Please email me your info as well.
As for the rest of you, I'm handing out consolation smooches and virtual cookies. Take as many as you'd like.
I do hope that you will take a chance on my story. It's only .99 at SmashWords and Kindle. Even if you don't have an eReader, SmashWords has it in pdf and html choices as well.
Thank you all for playing along here and showing me such gracious support!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Death and Chronos strained against the winds of the hurricane, gaining ground one slow foot at a time as they tried to reach their goal. Hail the size of oranges beat down on their heads as the unlucky duo struggled in the storm.
Battered and exhausted, both knew that giving up was not an option. Matters far more important than weather awaited them on the other side.
"Do you need help, my friend?" Death's words were lost in the maelstrom, but he managed to grab Time's sleeve before he went down.
"Thanks." Chronos hoped they could take a breather if they reached the eye—unless he collapsed first.
He saw the funnel just in time and signaled Death. They threw themselves to the ground as the tornado spun right over them, sucking up grass and trees in its mad dash across the landscape.
"That was close," Death mumbled and tried to stand back up, his phalanges catching in the hem of his robe.
Snow dumped on them from a blackened sky, the blizzard making it impossible to see.
"Link arms and go straight," Chronos shouted as they high-stepped through two feet of snow.
They both bumped into a tree and slid down the trunk. Death reached up with the last of his strength and rang the doorbell.
Sunshine and flowers emerged as they struggled to their feet. Chronos was still picking twigs out of his hair when Gaia answered the door.
"Greetings, boys. You're late. Earl Grey or jasmine tea?" She turned and climbed the staircase inside the tree, signaling for them to follow.
Chronos leaned over and whispered in Death's auditory tube. "Do you think she'd mind turning off her security system when it's time for us to leave?"
©2010 Laura Eno
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I'm also giving away two signed copies drawn at random from comments left on this post. A third copy will be given to whomever jumps up and down/kisses up to me the best in their comment. How cool is that?
The winners will be selected from a hat by the judge below on Tue, August 17th.
If she doesn't wake up in time, never fear, I have two alternates standing by.
Amazon - Trade Paperback
Amazon - Kindle
Smashwords - Ebook
Amazon UK - Kindle
Loner Travis O'Conner becomes the unwilling champion of a mysterious seer who plunges him into another dimension. His only guide—a deck of Tarot cards in her possession.
He falls in love with a woman who may not be his ally, while battling wizards intent on destroying him. Must Travis lose his love in order to save his world?
The doorbell rang as Travis fought with his tie. He took the stairs two at a time, still in his stocking feet. When he answered the door, an old woman stood before him, the white orbs of her eyes seeing nothing—or looking right through him. He couldn’t decide which.
The landscape behind her lie twisted and torn, burned metal skeletons framed in orange and black streaks. The scenery spoke of a different place, not the cloudless blue sky he witnessed minutes ago while looking out the window, admiring the garden behind their house.
He shied away from the doorway, although the ugly landscape seemed familiar also. The old woman smiled, the stench of decay surrounding her.
“Do you wish to stay in your pleasant dreams? Or do you want your reality back?” She swept one gnarled hand to the ugliness behind her. “Is this all you want? You alone have the power of change. Come to me.”
He slammed the door, heart pounding. Why? Travis crossed to the front window and stared. The empty doorstep opened onto a brick walkway, its edges lined with roses, Lessa’s favorite flowers. The sun shone down from a blue sky. The old woman had vanished.
“Who was at the door?” Lessa leaned over the banister, wrapped only in a towel.
“Nobody. Wrong house.” Something about that woman made him wish to have never laid eyes on her. He felt precarious, standing on the edge of a cliff. How could one brief encounter upset him so? Something bad was about to happen, he could feel it. Something that he couldn’t stop.
“Nonsense. Get over it.”
“Did you say something?”
“No. Just mumbling.” He ran back upstairs and slipped on his shoes, giving Lessa a kiss goodbye.
“I need to get going.” Travis didn’t want her to see his agitation. It was nothing, a crazy old woman. Why didn’t it feel like nothing?
“Have a wonderful day. I might be a bit late tonight. I have hospital rounds after the clinic closes,” Lessa said, then kissed him long and deep.
An inner voice warned him to stay home, not step out the door—ever. Stay here with Lessa. Of course, that was impossible. He straightened his shoulders and opened the front door, feeling like he was headed for doom. The fresh breeze smelled vaguely of roses, the flower petals along the walk nodded in greeting. Everything was as it should be. Travis blew out the breath that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and stepped onto the walkway.
Everything changed. Gone were the flowers, along with the blue sky. The air carried a foul stench that scratched the back of his throat. Baggy trousers that hadn’t seen soap for days replaced his suit. His polished shoes became scuffed boots, button-down silk now a torn t-shirt.
He turned but the nice townhouse had disappeared, apparently taking Lessa with it. As Travis collapsed in despair amid the rubble of a broken building, he remembered. This was his reality, not the nice clean environment and the beautiful wife. This is where he’d always been, living among the rats, doing whatever was necessary to survive. The old woman suddenly appeared before him.
©2010 Laura Eno
Sunday, August 8, 2010
You can read my story here. Thanks, Cathy!
Don't forget to send her your own story!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Chronos had just stepped out of his kitchen with an apple when Death materialized in his living room.
"Excuse the abrupt entrance, but I came to warn you—"
A second being solidified, this one dripping on the new shag carpet. Chronos watched a Chilean sea bass flop around on the floor for a moment before raising his eyes to greet the unexpected visitor.
"Poseidon, always a pleasure." He grit his teeth in an approximation of a smile. "What brings you here?"
"You know very well why I'm here, you snarky timepiece."
Poseidon plucked the apple from Time's nerveless fingers and took a bite. Chronos licked his lips as he mourned the loss of his snack. It had been the last one in the fridge.
"You only fixed some of the wormholes."
As Chronos shook his head in denial, Poseidon waved his trident in the air, ripping the chandelier out of the ceiling.
"Did you bother to look underwater? I can answer that. No. My domain is beneath your notice. Two of my best sirens—gone. Entire schools of fish vanished, to be plundered in some alien universe. I should—"
"Poseidon!" Chronos waved his hourglass to get the irate god's attention. "I apologize. I'll get right on it."
With a flash of St Elmo's fire, Poseidon left in a funnel of water, washing a new puddle into the already sodden carpet.
"It might be best to back time up to the spot before he lost his sirens, my friend. He seemed pretty mad." Death picked up the sea bass by its tail. "Do you want fish for dinner? I could make a salad to go with it."
Chronos grinned. "Let me go take care of his problem before that apple hits him."
"What do you mean?"
"It was one of my special apples, soaked in a timing solution. Since he's not used to it, the solution's going to give him a real surprise in about an hour."
Death dropped his jaw in a laugh.
"A most delightful payback for leaving your carpet sullied. I'll come help you. Maybe I can pick up some kelp for the salad while we're there."
©2010 Laura Eno