Thursday, June 17, 2010

Midnight Train - #FridayFlash




Stella woke to the sound of a train blowing its whistle. The lonely sound bled away as metal ground against steel to slow for a turn in the tracks, leaving her disoriented. There weren’t any trains that ran near her house.

Wondering if it was just a vivid dream, she looked at the clock. Midnight. Flopping back down on her pillow, Stella fell back asleep within moments.

“Did you hear a train whistle last night?” Stella looked at the morning newspaper sitting across from her. It waggled a bit, presumably in answer to her question. She just didn’t know if it was a yes or a no.

“Well, did you?”

Martin folded the paper in half, looking at her for the first time that morning.

“Train? What are you talking about?”

“Why do I have to repeat everything? I said did you hear a train last night?”

“There aren’t any trains around here.” He went back to hiding behind the paper. “Is there any more coffee?”

Stella got up and poured him more coffee, splashing it into the saucer for good measure. He didn’t take notice.

That night the train woke her up again. Stella got out of bed and walked over to the window. A low ridge nestled against their backyard. She’d climbed it many times and knew there weren’t any tracks up there, yet a dim light moved through the fog as brakes hit metal to slow for the curve.

“Martin, wake up. I can see the light from the train up on the ridge.”

“Go back to sleep. You’re dreaming.” She turned to see her husband cover his head with a pillow, unwilling even to check on her.

She stood there for a while, listening to the ka-clunk sound as the train continued on its journey. After a time, it seemed to blend with the beat of her heart – ka-clunk, ka-clunk. At last she climbed back into bed, wondering what it meant. An owl hooted into the silence that followed; an exclamation point to the emptiness of her life.

At 11 the next night, Stella slid out of bed and dressed, grabbing a flashlight as she left the house. It would take about a half an hour to reach the top of the ridge.

Just before midnight she saw the light of the train coming towards her. There weren’t any tracks, but she heard the ka-clunk sound anyway. The whistle blew as the train slowed to a stop. The conductor stepped out of the first car and tipped his hat to her.

“Will you be boarding?”

Stella turned and stared down the hill at her house before answering. She thought she saw movement at the bedroom window. Turning back to the conductor, she made her decision and placed her hand in his.

“Where are we going?”

He shrugged one shoulder and gave her a smile. “I don’t rightly know, ma’am. I guess we’ll find out together, won’t we?”

Stella smiled back. That was good enough for her.

©2010 Laura Eno

60 comments:

  1. Very cool! Looks like this mystery, this adventure, is exactly what she needs in her life. I can't help but wonder what she, and the conductor, are going to find when they get to the wherever. Great story, Laura!

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  2. I like this a lot. It's like a fairy tale, like the Midnight Express story. Nice!

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  3. as long as it was one way...cool write laura.

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  4. Ooo -- nice!

    Is this the start of something, or were you just playing around?

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  5. Seems like Stella made the right choice. Sometimes you just have to answer the call of the wild.

    Loved this tale.

    On a different topic:

    Pardon me while I say woo hoo about the new look of the website and the new photo.
    Woo hoo!
    There. Got that out of my system.
    Carry on.

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  6. How do you really feel about it, Karen? ;) Thanks.

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  7. I like it, Laura! You set the mood with that train whistle, and the sound of the wheels on the tracks. Very atmospheric. I love the ending, too -- so many possibilities for her. This was a good read.

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  8. Whoa with the new layout! Crazy green. Good for a stroll.

    "Stella got up and poured him more coffee, splashing it into the saucer for good measure. He didn’t take notice."

    Minor detail, but this is how men survive romance.

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  9. Oooh. Love the leafy stuff going on. This was the kinda train I'd think about stepping on. Why the whole midnight thing, and what was up with the husband. Course he might have thought she was hitting the bottle a little too hard. Oh.

    Hi, I raid blogs. Forgot to tell ya. Take care L.

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  10. sings "I'm gonna drive that man right outta my life" - I don't know any Martins that I actually like, so I'm Stella on this one.

    marc nash

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  11. Someone, I'm not sure she'll be any happier on board or at her new home.

    Love the re-do of the website.

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  12. Thanks all! I love your comments. :) And you noticed my re-do on the site!

    Ooh...Xan paid me a visit. Squee! I don't get much vampire traffic.

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  13. Very nice and whimsical tale.



    Also -I'm glad the protagonist decided to take a different TRACK and get her CABOOSE out of there.

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  14. I think trains are so mysterious and romantic. You encapsulated that feeling in this flash. LIked the movement of the light on the ridge.

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  15. I like stories that delegate something to the reader and this one does just that. The possibilities are endless here.

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  16. An adventure! And intrigue. I want more.

    Did you change your profile pic?

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  17. Came across from Icy's tweet and glad for the sojourn.
    Great story that opens up myriad possibilities of interpretations and metaphors.
    Blessings
    Adam B

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  18. People all over the world, join in, join the love train, the love train.

    I imagined the conductor to look like a bad CG version of Tom Hanks.

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  19. Welcome, Adam! I'm Glad you dropped by.

    Helen - Yes, I used to be an avatar. ;)

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  20. I liked this a lot - you conveyed the tragic marriage beautifully. I know I really liked it because all the tiny hairs on my body stood on end at the last line. Great stuff.

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  21. Whoa, great new look to your site! I had to look twice to make sure I came to the right place! And, great pic of you. I see you got rid of the creatures lurking behind you.

    I love the way you wrote this story with sound effects and suspense. And, I really like her attitude of getting on a mysterious train from nowhere going 'who knows where.'

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  22. Love this Laura! It has just the right amount of mystery and eerie feel to it. I'm glad she got away from that uncaring hubby!

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  23. Very nice. I love the searching theme. And I love your new look. And I love the new look of your blog, too. Kudos all around.

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  24. Yeah, Laura. Rock on. I was afraid it would be a "loco"motive but instead you gave us a vision of hope and adventure.

    You are the best stinkin' flasher around.

    George

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  25. Ha! No morning newspapers to sit facing on this train, I'll hazard a guess :-)

    This was suspenseful, but very lightly done, nice work.

    Your new blog background is making me feel all summery!

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  26. Cool. I like the openness of this one. I know I'd jump on that train to wherever.

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  27. Ooh you're doing some interesting life and death choices with this week and last week... Loved it!

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  28. I love trains - they always hold the promise of adventure and romance, and this one's no exception.

    Go, Stella - hope it takes you somewhere wonderful!

    And, like everyone else, I love the site's new look. :-)

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  29. Train to Faerie Land! YAY! Excellent idea!
    I'm all tingly! X3

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  30. Laura, I'm a sucker for a great train tale -- which you delivered in spades.

    And yes, I LOVE your new blog template and pic.

    I redid my blog this week, too. Exciting!! Great flash, as usual.

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  31. Love this! So well written and a great conclusion.

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  32. Love this Stella -- she's strong and in control. A different story from you -- your writing versatility continues to astound me. And yes, love the new blog look. Your pic -- you're gorgeous, and the short hair astounds -- I see you with long hair in my mind. Very peaceful here indeed. Peace...

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  33. I love the fact that you're so good at understatement, or maybe it's not quite that, but your ability to use the right words - no more and no less. This one reminds me of the short-short by Kafka called The Departure: "So you know your goal?" "Yes, out of here - that's my goal." (Kafka wrote flash fiction before there was such a thing.)

    Oh and an author pic of a real human being! I'm very pleased to meet you, Laura Eno.

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  34. Laura this is a great, great story. Like Mark said, very understated and excellent word choices.

    Also love your new layout. I gave my craft blog a whole new look too :)

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  35. Thank you everyone! Trains seem to open so many possibilities, don't they?

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  36. I really enjoyed the mystery in the ending of this piece. Anywhere the train takes Stella has got to be better than where she boarded from, right?

    Great new look BTW. :)

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  37. Is this the beginning of a serial? I love the possibilities in this. Well done!

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  38. i love how you matched the sound of the train to the beating of her heart - sometimes you just have to step off into the unknown :)

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  39. What a cool way out of her boring life! Hey, do I hear a train? Nah, my life isn't boring, heh.

    Loved your blog's new look Laura! Do I understand well, and I'm heading towards horror with the zombie thing, and you're going the other way around? You know that green is a calming color, right? ;P

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  40. There's a wonderful balance of the tension between Stella and her husband and the mystery of the lonely train whistle only she can hear.

    Nice, nice use of metaphor.

    And I love this: "He shrugged one shoulder and gave her a smile. “I don’t rightly know, ma’am..."

    Really well done, Laura.

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  41. I loved how auditory this piece was. Engaging to the senses for sure. The story itself was enchanting, a perfect escape just for her. Would love to read more.

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  42. You did a wonderful job of pulling the reader in to the situation. Great story.

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  43. Fun story. I had a feeling it was going to end that way... reminds me a bit of Doctor Who. Sometimes the mystery is worth leaving things behind.

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  44. I like the image of a trackless train that seems to be self-designed to liberate Stella. I hope she finds what she's looking for. Nice tale.

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  45. Thanks to all of you for taking the time to comment!

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  46. Oh where could it be going?! I hope she finds the happiness on her adventure that she never had at home.

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  47. Icy - I think she just might do that. :) Thanks!

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  48. Perfect story, Laura! So much possibility for her. I think John's right, that's how men survive romance... we always had to repeat everything we said to my dad. :)

    Really loved this piece. And love the site re-do.

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  49. I love the new layout... I meant to tell you last time, but I'm pretty sure I spaced it.

    Great post! I am always in the mood for an adventure!
    ~2

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  50. Gracie - Thanks! Endless possibilities are waiting for her. :)

    ~2 - Thank you! She needed an adventure.

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  51. "An owl hooted into the silence that followed; an exclamation point to the emptiness of her life."

    Lovely imagery. Train whistles and hooting owls.

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  52. Thanks, Tim! Trains sound so forlorn to me, even though the train itself represents an exciting journey.

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  53. I can hear distant trains from my bedroom window and they are sweet noise to me - my late father was a train engineer. Every time i hear the whistle I say hi to him.
    So I loves me any story about trains. Yours is spectacular.
    Not sure where she's going but it's gotta be more exciting than the morning newspaper.

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  54. Cathy - That's nice that you attach such a special meaning to them. I'm sure she's in for a grand adventure!

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  55. Wow, I've been away for far too long, look at that wonderful background and new photo! Beautiful, Laura!

    I loved this flash, could totally feel the mystery of it myself. I'm glad she decided to go (and love how many ways this can be interpreted).

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  56. Thanks, Estrella! You haven't been gone long...I just changed it. ;)

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  57. Good story, Laura. The relationship, if not dead already, was certainly on the ropes, and he too dumb to know it. What stuck with me was that she noticed movement at the window, before deciding to get on. It gave me the sense that he will always be left wondering what the heck happened? How did I lose her?
    ~jon

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  58. Thanks, Jon! I'm glad to have given you food for thought. ;)

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  59. Hi Laura, the image of this train stuck with me. It sparked a darker tail merging with an idea on dreambirds. Hope you don't mind.

    http://aidanwrites.blogspot.com/2010/06/coast-dreamlight.html

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