Thursday, December 9, 2010

Death In A Red Suit - #FridayFlash





Chronos heard a commotion outside and hurried to the door, opening it to find a tiny reindeer stamping on his welcome mat.

"Are you lost, little one?" The miniature cutie only stood five hands high.

"I ain't lost, Pops," the deer growled in a voice better suited to a carnie with a cigar chomped between his teeth.

While Chronos stared at the small hellion, he heard the roar of Death's Harley in the air behind him.

"Get back in formation, Prancer."

The small deer grumbled and sprang into the air just as Death and seven other reindeer came in for a landing in the middle of Time's carefully tended garden.

"I got us a gig!" Death hopped off his bike and danced over, his Santa hat flopping down to cover one eye socket and looking like a jaunty pirate.

"Doing what?" The second the question left his mouth Chronos decided he really didn't want to know.

Death presented a pointy green cap with a flourish.

"Macy's hired me as their Santa and you're going to be my helper. How cool is that, my friend?"

Chronos backed away to a chorus of snickers from the little deer, waving his hands in front of him to fend off Death.

"No, no…you're not turning me into an elf. I won't do it."

"I have candy-striped stockings for you too," Death continued as if Chronos hadn't spoken. "When I arrived to collect their old Santa yesterday, the manager asked if I wanted the job. It seems the city has a shortage of jolly Saint Nicks."

Chronos shook his head in a desperate attempt to clear it, but the scene before him remained unchanged.

"Where did you come up with the rude reindeer?"

"Lucien loaned them to me," Death enthused. "Aren't they great?"

"Your reindeer are demons?"

"Well, sure. I couldn't take Santa's real ones, you know. How would he get around? Come on, it'll be fun."

Chronos stuffed the elf cap on his head and stalked over to the bike, already regretting his decision.

***

The mini reindeer caused quite a stir as they strutted into the large department store ahead of Santa and his peculiar-looking elf. The manager flagged Santa down and pulled him aside.

"You can't bring these animals in here."

Prancer left a present in the aisle as response.

"Don't worry," Death said. "The children will love them."

The manager's face turned a deep shade of purple. "Get them out of here!"

A crowd had already formed around them by this time, children squealing with delight as they cavorted with the deer. The demons, for their part, took a perverted pleasure in knocking over display units and creating havoc while leading the kids astray.

Chronos noted one woman gasping for breath as she caught sight of Death over by the perfume counter.

"One of your imminent clients?" Chronos asked as he watched her portrayal of a fish out of water.

Death followed his gaze. "No. She is only suffering the aftereffects of inhaling Poison."

As Death sat down in Santa's chair and listened to the children telling him their fondest wishes, Chronos couldn't help but be proud to call him friend. Even when they were fired a half hour later for giving away the merchandise, Chronos could call it a good day.

"What about the demon reindeer?" he asked as they exited the building without the tiny menaces.

Death shrugged a clavicle. "They'll revert back to Lucien at midnight. In the meantime, let them have a little excitement."

"I have to admit, it was fun watching them tree that manager," Chronos chuckled. "I didn't think he'd climb that display so fast in dress shoes."

©2010 Laura Eno

45 comments:

  1. That was the most interesting take on Santa I've seen in a long time!

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  2. HO, Ho, Ho. I'm so glad I've been a good little boy and got to enjoy that treat! Happy New Year!

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  3. Every time I read one of these, I can hear Thin Lizzie in my head singing "The Boys Are Back in Town" - and I never fail to smile.

    Excellent story for the season, Laura. The really enjoy the interactions between Chronos and Death - and Death's rapport with children.

    Good, good work.

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  4. Love that these guys are involved in the Silly Season, Laura... Nice one!

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  5. Inhaling Poison? I don't know any inhaler that will help you survive that band.

    Poor Santa...

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  6. What a refreshing point of view. I laughed at the fact that Death spared Santa's reindeer. How very considerate! Laughed again at the reference to Poison. Good fun.

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  7. Hahahaha! Your best Immortals yet I reckon, and those demon reindeer are the icing on the cake. Mind if I borrow them, they'll make Christmas here sooooo much more fun!

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  8. The boys are glad to be back! Thanks, everyone. You'll have to go through Lucien, Sam...mind the fine print. ;)

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  9. All that was missing were the bells on Chronos's shoes, tinkling as he walked around in his little elfin suit. Bah humbug to all the Christmas naysayers, Laura!

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  10. The funniest way to get into the Christmas spirit!

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  11. LOL Loved it! The reindeer were my favorite part.

    CD

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  12. A very original story for starting a weekend!

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  13. I wonder if Death would have given Ralphie his Red Ryder BB gun ... I can't tell you often enough how much I love these stories!

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  14. Your look at Christmas is so different than everyone else. Original and intriguing.

    CD

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  15. I was hoping you'd let the guys have a Christmas fling. You didn't disappoint :)

    Loved it.

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  16. Bwahahahaha! Laura, this is absolutely the best yet!
    "I got us a gig!" Cracked me up, I could so easily see Death strutting off his Harley saying that.
    Fun, fun, fun!

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  17. This is no lie. There's a miniseries of Teryy Pratchett's Hogfather available, and I watched it a couple weeks ago. The Death character in it is great, and I thought of these guys the whole time. I kept waiting for him to grab some peanuts, but he didn't. :(

    And now look, here they are! I love everything about this, but the Poison bit made me laugh out loud. Yep, this one may be the best yet. Just a great story!

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  18. I always suspected that Santa had a hidden agenda. Or Death, for that matter. Jolly good read, ho!

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  19. this is right up there with twisted sister doing a holiday album. so wrong, but fun!

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  20. Quite a fun day for all but the store manager. This was quite a twisted and fun holiday story!

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  21. So much for the movie, Bad Santa. Death has him beat hands down. What's next, bell ringing? Give or die. ;)
    ~jon

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  22. I have to agree with the others, this is one of my faves with these guys. Another excellent addition to the series.

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  23. The genius of Death is his joie de vivre. Nice of him to let Santa keep the reindeer (or was it because Rudolph & co are too well behaved?). I'm beginning to think Death, with the help of Chronos, can do anything.

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  24. I love the demon reindeer. Serves the dept. store right for the way he treated them.

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  25. There's nothing better than a few demon reindeer to liven things up... ;)

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  26. Laura, you are brilliant to come up with such a fun Christmas story - involving Chronos, Death and demon reindeer, no less!

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  27. Now that you're all caught up on awards, I have another one for you today!

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  28. Hi Laura .. these are gruesome, yet funny and sad .. and I love the imagination that's there .. great to read .. thank you - Hilary

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  29. I'm still laughing and so is Jack. I use to wear Poison but it will take your breath away. I would have to spray the air and run through it while I heard my breath, then drive with the windows down until it toned down a bit. What a pain but after that it did smell good and lasted on me.
    I loved the demon reindeer leading the kids astray, I could just see the manager in the top of the Christmas tree watching his store being destroyed.

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  30. If I leave carrots outside on Christmas Eve, will the demon reindeer come to my house? This was another fun read.

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  31. Tim - No, but a good cigar...

    Hilary - Thank you!

    Pam - I once had a boss who bathed in Poison...

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  32. Now that was a great Christmas story, Laura. Shades of Ralphie visiting the department store Santa in 'A Christmas Story' 'cept with demon deer. Probably my most favourite Death/Chronos tale yet!

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  33. Ah, this was really fun! Can't help thinking the people who made Poison work for Lucien...

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  34. Such a clever take with these two characters. Lots of fun; and Death rides a Harley. Brilliant. Death is such a fun character. He reminds me a little of Death in the Discworld novels; yours has a wicked sense of humour.
    Adm B @revhappiness

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  35. Alan - Thanks! Demon deer are pretty cool. ;)

    Icy - I've heard a rumor to that effect...

    Adam - Death is pleased you've recognized his wicked sense of humor!

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  36. The idea of demon reindeer cracks me up, Laura. Also gives me a tiny chill down the back of my neck. :)

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  37. Patricia - Thanks! Most people get a tiny chill when they're around me...

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  38. Alright! My Chronos and company fix. There is so much you can do with these guys with holiday themes. They could easily be in a Family Guy Episode. Death was in one, but all of these guys together ... how cool would that be!

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  39. Stephen - I don't watch TV so I don't know anything about Family Guy. :)

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  40. Ruchiraa - Thank you! I'm glad you stopped by!

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  41. "I didn't think he'd climb that display so fast in dress shoes."

    I wish i'd written this line. How funny? Very. I wonder if these guys will ever turn up at my Mythical Creatures Employment Exchange? I reckon there'd be trouble if they did.

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  42. Ha! What a super twist on Miracle on 34th St. I want one of those reindeer. Well done.

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