Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Five O'Clock Tram - #FridayFlash



“Sally, I told you to quit fussing with your sweater.”

“But the sleeves aren’t long enough.” Sally tugged at the bright red knit one more time in a futile attempt to stretch it. Her mother ignored her complaints and hustled her out of the car. The huge parking lot was filling up fast for opening day of the new amusement park.

The “Gateway to Other Worlds” promised live exhibits of creatures from other planets. Since that was impossible, speculation was rife about what they could have planned. The concepts had been kept under tight security so no one knew what to expect. One of the planners was a famous comic book author so rumor had it that he designed animatronics for the exhibits.

Seven-year-old Sally forgot her quarrel with her sweater as she was awed by one exhibit after another. They watched tiny Gorn at play, their purple fuzz dusted by mint green snowflakes that fell inside the protective dome. Another had giant butterfly creatures that came up to the window, looking like they wanted to speak.

Multiple domes portrayed life on a dozen different planets, their habitats authentically reproduced according to the guides.

At the end of the long day, Sally and her mother boarded the tram that ran through a series of tunnels, showing visitors the domes from the backside. It stopped in one dark tunnel and the voice system came on.

“Please exit to your right for the tram to the parking lot. We hope you’ve enjoyed your stay with us.”

A boy and his father stood in front of a dome, watching creatures that looked a bit like woolly mammoths. Their guide pointed to his watch and announced that it was five o’clock, the creatures feeding time. On cue, a chute opened, spilling several people to the ground. The boy watched a girl in a red sweater try to run before the mammoth bit her in half. Now her legs matched the color of her sweater.

“Those animatronics sure are realistic looking,” his father murmured.

The guide smiled at them. “Aren’t they just?”

©2009 Laura Eno

43 comments:

SteferstheGreat said...

Good gracious me! That's nuts! But once again absolutely wonderful! You should have seen my face as I red that last section. My eyes got all wide, and I'm pretty sure my mouth gaped open. hahaha

Wonderful as always.

Marisa Birns said...

OMG! Shocking ending.

Once again you amaze with your flash. You are so good at it!

Michelle said...

OK - I'm a visionary... oh the visuals I'm seeing in my mind with that one. Great piece.

Cascade Lily said...

Okay, so I knew it was going to end badly when I read the great name of the amusement park, but I didn't realise you'd feed your protag to the aliens! LOL

Carol Kilgore said...

Creepy. I should've waited until daylight to read.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Laura, what can I say? That was a tasty piece...

Alan said...

I thought the people would end up as exhibits, not IN the exhibits!

Well done.

:)

mazzz_in_Leeds said...

Mmmm, suppertime!
I thought pretty much the same as Alan :)
Surprising as ever!

Anton Gully said...

:o

Laura Eno said...

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the tasty treat. :)

A Writer said...

Tasty red. My favorite color. Heh. Oh my, I'll take the bus I do believe.

Michael Solender said...

What a nasty you are! I love it!

Chance said...

chomp, chomp, chomp


I wonder what the admission price was ?

Good stuff!

Tony Noland said...

Ha! Great way to bring the sweater back in.

Jim_Wisneski said...

How can you not LOVE this story?!

It's perfect. I was really into the exhibits. . . then they get on the train. . . okay, it wrecks. . . nope. They get off the train. . . okay, a bomb goes off. . . nope. . . I did NOT see feeding time coming at all!

Jim
http://tinyurl.com/yjgov4l

Chris Chartrand said...

Why on earth would you do that Laura? Someone less fortunate could have used that fine red sweater, now it's ruined. :) I enjoyed this one.
~chris

Karen from Mentor said...

Ok, I would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS have expected to ENJOY a story where a child was eaten....laughing...but I did.
Holy cow!
Loved the full circle on the sweater.
Karen :0)

Tumblemoose said...

Yikes.

Creepy-o-rama.

Great twisted ending.

Deanna Schrayer said...

Oh my gosh! I was pretty sure they wouldn't be allowed to leave the park, but didn't see the reason why coming at all!
You do such a super job with flash Laura!
Note to self: Do not visit Gateway to Other Worlds. :)

shannon esposito said...

Ha, the whole time I was thinking "oh, I want to go there!" And then the ending...nevermind. LOL. I can see this happening actually. I think they were going to try to bring back wooly mammoth's for real. Really enjoyed this one!

Eric J. Krause said...

Excellent story as always. I knew something was coming, but I wasn't sure what. Good way to end it.

J. M. Strother said...

You have a sick and twisted mind, Laura. I mean that in the best possible way. ;) I too thought they were going to become exhibits.

Won't they eventually run out of patrons? :)
~jon

Amy J Taylor said...

Yum...:P This will definitely make me think twice about riding on zoo/safari park trams!

Draco Torre said...

Ooh, I love exhibits! Wait... Sally? Well, no worries about that pesky sweater. Fun story.
-David G Shrock

Estrella Azul said...

Thought I'd be commenting how I'd love to go there... but I changed my mind :P
Great story, I never would've guessed :)

Mark Kerstetter said...

Oh Gaaaawwwddddd! Neat trick, making the pointless destruction of a child funny (did I just say that?)

Sheila Deeth said...

Oh, very very cool. Nicely done.

hope101 said...

"Now her legs matched the color of her sweater."

Ha ha ha. Love how you bring it back to the sweater. I knew that was going to be a relevant details.

~Tim said...

Hah! Woolly food for a woolly beast! Very nice. (If they were really like woolly mammoths though, they'd be more likely to eat grass than people.)

Jodi MacArthur said...

This reminds me of a Bradbury story where the children had a room that would turn into any environment they wanted.

Very cool sci flash, Laura.

Laura Eno said...

Thank you all for commenting. Your remarks crack me up. :)

Linda said...

My dear, WHERE do you get these ideas? Brilliant, just brilliant. And funny in a warped way. Peace, Linda

ganymeder said...

That was cool! I especially liked how the sweater now matched. I don't quite get part of it though. Were they all tourists or what?

Thanks! Keep writing!

dan powell said...

Chalk me up as another who thought they would end up as exhibits not food. Cool twisted tale as usual Laura. Fun and a bit disturbing at the same time.

Laura Eno said...

Thanks all for taking the time to comment! I really appreciate it.

ganymeder - I suspect that they are all earthling tourist, but the people working there are from somewhere else. :)

livloveslit said...

Oh that was gruesome, unexpected and fun. It's not often I laugh when little girl are bitten in half, but you made it work.

Erin Cole said...

See, that's why I love black and brown!
Nice tone to this bloody great flash.

Paul D. Brazill said...

One of your best.

Laura Eno said...

Thanks all. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Helen Ginger said...

A sweet story that moved to scary then to horror. All the more shocking because you had a child get killed in the end.

I like it.

Helen
Straight From Hel

Laura Eno said...

I guess we're all a little sick, aren't we Helen? :) Thanks for stopping by!

trev said...

Oh, this is good. Simple idea beautifully illustrated and well executed. I wanna design a theme park. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna!!

Laura Eno said...

Trev - Thanks! I suppose if you're the designer, you never become dinner.