Black Hole - #FridayFlash

“Incoming!”

The announcement seemed redundant amidst the bells, whistles and general clatter as the chute opened, spitting out the latest delivery. Olaf sighed, hefting his pitchfork to begin sorting through the new batch. He’d just finished with the last ones.

First, they had to be separated according to size. Determining whether they could be recycled came next. Some were positively indecent, not fit for anything at all. Those went into the fire, but the stench occasionally sent Olaf running to the far corner.

After sorting the remainder by color, Olaf sent them off to the recycle center. There they would be picked apart. He shuddered at the thought. Such a tedious job. He never wanted to be promoted and wind up doing that. Still, it was essential to maintain order in the universe. Everything in its place and all that.

He often wondered what people did with the other sock though, when its mate came up missing. Did they only wear one?

©2010 Laura Eno

Heist Outré - #FridayFlash

This was first published at 10Flash in Oct, 2009 so I thought I'd recycle it. I hope you enjoy it for the first (or second) time!


“How bad are you hurt?” They waited, crouched behind some metallic thing that Eddie called a ‘dumpster’. The smell made Tom want to puke.

“My arm feels like it’s on fire. I think the bullet’s still in there too.”

“Bullet? As in ‘metal projectile’? Geez, Eddie. You said we couldn’t get hurt. That’s the only reason why I took this hare-brained trip with you. Why’d you think that robbing a bank would be fun in the first place?”

He’d been on a few adventures before with Eddie. They’d climbed Mount Kilimanjaro just last month, throwing snowballs at each other once they’d reached the top. So, when Eddie suggested going to 20th century New York to rob a bank, Tom thought it might be fun.

“Shh…they’re coming back.”

Eddie’s voice wheezed with pain, his breath rapid and shallow as they watched the cops run down the alley searching for them.

“Come on, before they turn back again. We’ve got to find a better hiding place.” Tom helped Eddie to his feet.

They picked their way through debris that seemed permanently attached to the concrete, checking every doorway they came to. Finally, one opened for them. The cool shadows were a welcome change from the sultry heat outside. No one seemed to be home.

“So how do we get out of this scenario, Eddie?”

“I’m not sure. I think the program has to run to the end.”

“You’re not sure? Didn’t you read the instructions that came with the machine?”

“I glanced at them when I first got it, but that was six months ago.”

Tom threw his friend a disgusted look. “I thought you said you couldn’t get hurt with this Time Game machine, so how’d you get shot?”

“I turned off the safety,” Eddie admitted. “I thought it’d make the experience more realistic.”

“What?” Tom noticed Eddie’s face turn the same shade of red as his hair. Small consolation.

“Well, remember the time we went diving in the coral reefs? You ran out of oxygen and the whole program froze until you changed your tanks? It was kind of disruptive, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, it was, but I lived to complain about the glitch. That’s why the machine has a safety! Oh, never mind about that right now. You’re the history buff. What do you know about this place that might help us get back home?”

Eddie shrugged, wincing as the movement shot pain through his arm. Tom watched the blood drip onto the floor.

“We’ve got to get you some help before you bleed to death. Do you remember how this program ends, or did you even read it all the way through?”

“I read it. I think we’re supposed to meet a stranger or something like that. Okay, I only glanced at it. I’m sorry. Next time I’ll read the whole thing, all right?”

“If there’s a next time, I’m doing the picking – like Australia in the good old 23rd century.” Tom sat on the floor, contemplating what their next move should be.

The door swung open, spilling light into the room. A massive shadow quickly replaced it.

“Good evening, gentlemen. I believe you’re waiting to meet a stranger?”

Eddie could only gape at the large man, but Tom managed to find his voice. “How did you know that?”

“Simple. I represent the company that wrote the program ‘20th Century Bank Heist’.”

“But surely you don’t track each time it’s played,” Eddie stammered.

“No, of course not. However, we are alerted each time it’s played with the safety off. Personally, I’m amazed at the number of people who don’t read the alternate endings, always included with the game, I assure you.”

As the stranger’s eyes began to glow, Tom suddenly realized that bullets were the least of their worries.

Runner-Up #FridayFlash

Runner-up, or second place, can mean different things, depending on the context. In my case, I have a long history of almost winning.

The last beauty contest I entered, for example, was a farce. The winner was inferior to me in every way, but the judges were biased towards her. I will admit she had an unfair advantage over me, but I was taught to be gracious.

No more. This contest means life and death. No one will have the favoritism I've become accustomed to. I mean to have the surgical enhancement necessary to win.
Do you think that's cheating? That it's not an honest way to win? You might think differently if you had my face.

Genetics shouldn't play into this, but it does. It's not my fault that my human ancestry gave me only one nose. The Denebian judges are partial to two noses and since they are the ones overseeing the contest, I have no choice.

Monday at dawn, they will announce the winner. Right after the ceremony, the runner-up will be barbecued for the banquet.

©2011 Laura Eno

Want Fries With That Novel?

The dream I had last night will continue to haunt me until I get it down on paper and subject other people to it. Yes, that means you are now part of a viral infection.

In my dream there was a way to feature a FaceBook Author page on a kiosk at *cough* McDonalds, guaranteed to boost your fans.

I swear, I only left it up there for twenty minutes before shutting off the ad, but in that time, I gained two MILLION fans to my page. Mostly they were five year old button pushers, with a few eight year old fans thrown in with comments like "This is a neat book!" sprinkled over my page.

It seems the kiosks were centered in the middle of the McDonalds playgrounds, right next to the plastic tubes that look like they're made for giant gerbils. The comments from my "fans" puzzled me though. Did they have little plastic keyboards attached to the screens for young minds to participate in a type of modern-day graffiti?

The teenagers were worse, of course. One wit asked if my book came with fries; others thought they'd practice their stand-up comedy act for the X-rated crowd on my page.

None of this woke me up though. I could deal with it all, calmly considering a change of name and possible move to another country to fix my blunder.

It was the English Professor who left me with heart-pounding fear, waking to stare at the dark ceiling while dread settled in for a comfy spell.

The Prof went on a diatribe of quotation marks, bold words and the horrific s/he vs. they conundrum. I swear an entire English course passed before my eyes. At one point, I bit halfway through my tongue (maybe it was less than halfway, but at the time it felt like I'd severed it).

By the time I read the dissertation s/he had left on my page, I wondered what a person like that was doing on FaceBook in the first place. Really, wouldn't *they* go mad witnessing the grammatical inconsistencies that abound there? Or perhaps defacing my author page was only a pit stop squeezed in between sliding through the gerbil tubes and munching salty burgers.

I could almost feel sorry for the person…almost.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any inconsistencies, since it was a dream. You'll have to take your complaint to the REM department, which keeps strange hours and is totally unreliable…usually…often.

Death In A Red Suit - #FridayFlash

Chronos heard a commotion outside and hurried to the door, opening it to find a tiny reindeer stamping on his welcome mat.

"Are you lost, little one?" The miniature cutie only stood five hands high.

"I ain't lost, Pops," the deer growled in a voice better suited to a carnie with a cigar chomped between his teeth.

While Chronos stared at the small hellion, he heard the roar of Death's Harley in the air behind him.

"Get back in formation, Prancer."

The small deer grumbled and sprang into the air just as Death and seven other reindeer came in for a landing in the middle of Time's carefully tended garden.

"I got us a gig!" Death hopped off his bike and danced over, his Santa hat flopping down to cover one eye socket and looking like a jaunty pirate.

"Doing what?" The second the question left his mouth Chronos decided he really didn't want to know.

Death presented a pointy green cap with a flourish.

"Macy's hired me as their Santa and you're going to be my helper. How cool is that, my friend?"

Chronos backed away to a chorus of snickers from the little deer, waving his hands in front of him to fend off Death.

"No, no…you're not turning me into an elf. I won't do it."

"I have candy-striped stockings for you too," Death continued as if Chronos hadn't spoken. "When I arrived to collect their old Santa yesterday, the manager asked if I wanted the job. It seems the city has a shortage of jolly Saint Nicks."

Chronos shook his head in a desperate attempt to clear it, but the scene before him remained unchanged.

"Where did you come up with the rude reindeer?"

"Lucien loaned them to me," Death enthused. "Aren't they great?"

"Your reindeer are demons?"

"Well, sure. I couldn't take Santa's real ones, you know. How would he get around? Come on, it'll be fun."

Chronos stuffed the elf cap on his head and stalked over to the bike, already regretting his decision.

***

The mini reindeer caused quite a stir as they strutted into the large department store ahead of Santa and his peculiar-looking elf. The manager flagged Santa down and pulled him aside.

"You can't bring these animals in here."

Prancer left a present in the aisle as response.

"Don't worry," Death said. "The children will love them."

The manager's face turned a deep shade of purple. "Get them out of here!"

A crowd had already formed around them by this time, children squealing with delight as they cavorted with the deer. The demons, for their part, took a perverted pleasure in knocking over display units and creating havoc while leading the kids astray.

Chronos noted one woman gasping for breath as she caught sight of Death over by the perfume counter.

"One of your imminent clients?" Chronos asked as he watched her portrayal of a fish out of water.

Death followed his gaze. "No. She is only suffering the aftereffects of inhaling Poison."

As Death sat down in Santa's chair and listened to the children telling him their fondest wishes, Chronos couldn't help but be proud to call him friend. Even when they were fired a half hour later for giving away the merchandise, Chronos could call it a good day.

"What about the demon reindeer?" he asked as they exited the building without the tiny menaces.

Death shrugged a clavicle. "They'll revert back to Lucien at midnight. In the meantime, let them have a little excitement."

"I have to admit, it was fun watching them tree that manager," Chronos chuckled. "I didn't think he'd climb that display so fast in dress shoes."

©2010 Laura Eno

Spaced Out - #FridayFlash

“Were you able to get us a room?” Ron eyed his friend expectantly, surmising the answer when David refused to meet his gaze.

“It’s only for three days,” David explained as they moved up the ramp to board the ferry to Alpha VII. “We’d never be in the room anyway. This leaves us with more money to party.”

“I don’t want to party, slum boy. I want to sleep. You know I get space sick. The only reason I agreed to come with you was because you told me your cousin could get us a room.” Ron thought about three days of dealing with the slow spin of the ship and began to weave.

“Hey, you’re turning a funny shade of green. It was my cousin’s friend and he couldn’t find a room for us but I promise you, you’ll have such a great time that you won’t even notice the star drive.”

“Why do you want to follow a girl clear over to Alpha VII anyway?” Ron grumbled. “Did our own planet suddenly run out of girls?”

David shook his head. “I told you. She’s special – and her dad’s loaded.”

A synthesized voice welcomed them aboard the Star Ranger as they slid their ID cards into the slot, directing them to E deck.

“You’d think they could at least have a human attendant to greet us, instead of a canned speech.” Ron continued to grumble as they made their way toward the crowded elevators. The dank odors of sweat and food in the confines of the overloaded car were enough to make anyone ill.

David didn’t seem to notice, blithely pushing past others to hit the button for E deck. A voice droned out of the speakers, wishing everyone a safe and pleasant voyage.

The deck they’d been assigned to held the dregs of society as far as Ron could tell. Other losers, like themselves, unable to pay for accommodations. Even David looked momentarily dismayed by the flotsam before reasserting his cheerful disposition.

“See? This won’t be so bad. We’ll just claim some chairs…”

They both could see that all chairs were taken. Fortunately, the flooring was of a spongy nature, used to absorb shock waves. They sat in a corner, away from foot traffic and listened to the departure proceedings.

The ship rolled as soon as the clamps were released. Ron grabbed his stomach, wondering how he would survive three days of this.

David stood up. “I’ll go find us some food and bring it back here, all right?”

Ron responded by throwing up on David’s shoes. Feeling grimly satisfied, he consented to having a glass of water and crackers brought back to him.

While David was gone, Ron had a chance to study the people around him. Most seemed unremarkable, but one stood out. A well-dressed woman sat at a corner table, speaking into a vidphone while fiddling with a necklace that she had strung out. It looked like she was disassembling the baubles.

Just as David came back the ship took a roll, scattering the woman’s jewels off the table. They quickly realized her baubles were flash charges when one detonated close to them, temporarily blinding the two men.

The loudspeakers blared a warning that the ship was under attack and all passengers must make their way to an escape pod. Ron and David crawled in a direction that they hoped would lead them to a pod.

Red emergency lights blinked in the corridor as their eyesight returned. The sounds of laser fire and screaming now joined the general bedlam of announcements still being issued.

“We’re being boarded.” David shouted to make himself heard. Ron didn’t waste a breath to respond to the obvious, instead running for his life in the direction of dubious safety.

They leapt into the nearest pod, anxiously waiting for other passengers to join them. Booted feet tramped down the corridor. David stuck his head out, quickly ducked back in and hit the eject button, fear etched on his face. Ron didn’t need to ask who the boots belonged to.

Once away, the two broke into hysterics as they studied each other. The heat from the flash charge had burnt away most of their hair and left their clothes in shreds.

“Won’t we be the fashion trend on Alpha VII,” David said between bouts of hiccups that he’d developed from laughing too hard.

“If we ever get there.” Ron punctuated his statement by puking again.

For three days they tumbled through space waiting to be rescued. When an in-system enforcement patrol ship clamped onto their pod, Ron opened a bleary eye and looked at David.

“Are we there yet?”

As the door circled open and a crewmember helped the bedraggled pair out, a synthesized voice came on in the pod.

“Thank you for choosing the Star Ranger. We hope you enjoyed your flight.”

©2010 Laura Eno

Horn of Plenty - #FridayFlash

"What do you think of this cornucopia?" Chronos held it out for inspection.

Death stared at it dubiously. "It looks like Amalthea's horn. Does Zeus know you broke it off? He went to a lot of trouble to fix it."

Chronos clutched the horn to his chest and looked at Death in horror.

"It's not the real horn, only a representation. I wanted to present it as a gift to Lucien for his Thanksgiving Day celebration. What do you think?"

Death took it from Chronos and peered through the hole on the small end.

"Anything you put in here would leak through the hole. It's just the right size for dispensing peanuts though."

To prove his point, he stuck the horn into his eye socket like a funnel and poured a jar of peanuts into the large end. Chronos listened to the sound of nuts bouncing their way through Death's skeletal cavities, making him sound like a pinball machine.

"Very funny." He took it back and laid it on the counter. "It's symbolic. You fill it with food and remember to be thankful for the abundance of life."

"I get that. Do I have to be thankful that Jeeves will be there serving the food?"

Chronos laughed at his friend. "You can be thankful that Lucien will go out of his way to serve you himself."

"He'd better." Death snapped his mandible for emphasis. "It's a wonderful idea he had, hosting a dinner for all of us. I wonder why he's being so sentimental?"

Chronos shrugged and tied his woven belt over his robe, worn only for special occasions.

"I don't know but if we don't leave now, we'll be late. You know how punctual Evil is."

Death picked up the cornucopia and tossed it to Chronos. "Maybe you should instruct Jeeves not to serve the mashed potatoes in this. They'd be hard to scrape out, don't you think?"

Chronos shook his head. "I can see you're going to be the life of the party."

Death nodded and put his humerus around Chronos. "I try to be, my friend."

©2010 Laura Eno

A Mortal Halloween - #FridayFlash

"Come on, it'll be fun. Haven't you ever wondered what it'd be like?" Death looked at the frown on his best friend's face and tried again. "Do this as a favor to me. I've always wanted to experience Halloween the way mortals do and go trick or treating."

"I don't know—it seems awfully risky to me. What's the point?" Chronos fiddled with his hourglass as if it might disappear at Death's suggestion.

"No point, other than the novelty. We've been working too hard lately. This is our chance to play. It'll be fun."

Chronos snorted at that but relented, twisting the hourglass a full turn. "Okay, but when we get into trouble, don't say I didn't warn you."

They rode Death's chopper down the city streets until they came upon a party spilling out into the night. Death pulled over and parked, anxious to join the costumed revelers as they marched down the block.

"Whoa, dude. Nice costume. You look like Death," one inebriated mortal dressed like Darth Vader said as he passed by.

"Isn't this great?" Death said and practiced catching peanuts in his eye socket while walking with the crowd. "I wonder when we get to knock on people's doors."

Chronos merely nodded, his attention snagged by a scantily dressed slave girl who winked at him.

Glass broke behind them and the noise of the crowd became a shriek of chanting. A rock whizzed by Chronos on its way to an unknown target.

"I don't think we're going to see any trick or treating with this group."

Sirens rose to a high pitch as the night flashed red and blue. People scattered in different directions, leaving Death and Chronos wondering which way to go. A voice through a bullhorn commanded their attention while police handcuffed their arms behind their backs.

"Are we having fun yet?" Chronos asked Death.

"Oh, yes. What an experience."

Chronos shook his head at the enthusiastic answer. "I was being facetious."

Death dropped his jaw in a laugh. "Once we get to the police station, we can call the bar and have Lucien bail us out. It's perfect."

After Lucien ranted into the phone and hung up on him, Chronos studied the other inmates sharing their cell. They all scrunched into one corner, as far away from Death as possible.

"Do they recognize you?" Chronos leaned over and whispered to his friend.

"Oh, yes. Didn't I tell you? On Halloween many will perceive who we really are, although the constables don't seem to."

A commotion started down the hallway, drawing their attention. Death and Chronos watched in fascination as two officers prodded a furious Lucien into a cell across from them. Smoke boiled out of his ears and his face appeared as red as the horns on his head.

"Are you here to bail us out?" Death called over to him.

"Does it look that way to you? What did you do to my powers, you infernal timepiece. Give them back so I can get out of here!"

Chronos fingered the hourglass on his belt. "Have you had enough fun yet?"

Death shrugged, his metacarpus still wrapped around the bars.

"We can go home now, I guess." He leaned in close. "What about Lucien?"

Chronos smiled. "He's such a hothead. Maybe it'd be better to leave him here overnight."

"I'll get you for this, you rusty clock," Lucien yelled as they flicked out of sight.

"He looked really angry," Death said as they climbed on the motorcycle.

"Just playing a little trick on him." Chronos tapped his hourglass. "He's back in his bar now. Happy Halloween, my friend."

©2010 Laura Eno

The Art of Listening - #FridayFlash

“Did you remember to shut the windows in the back of the house? I can still feel a breeze.”

“I’ll get them in a little while. I’m listening to the game.”

“Do you hear that? It sounds like someone’s screaming.”

“What? No, I didn’t hear anything. It’s all in your head.”

“Well, if you’d take those headphones off maybe you’d hear better.”

“I’m trying to follow the game. It’s the bottom of the eighth. And would you quit peeking out the window?”

“I’ve got a right to look out my own window. There’s someone walking down the street, but it’s too dark to see anything.”

“Right. So quit looking. Jeesh, you’re a regular Peeping Tom. You’ll have Mrs. Anderson calling the cops on you again.”

“That wasn’t my fault. There it is again. Can’t you hear that?”

“I can’t hear anything, not with you talking so much. Drop the curtain and come sit down.”

“There’re two of them in the street now. They’re almost under the street lamp.”

“You’re an embarrassment, always spying on people.”

“They’re moving funny, sort of shuffling.”

“Shh…bases are loaded.”

“Did you hear that noise? I think it came from the back of the house. Go close the windows. Someone might be trying to break in.”

“If you’re so worried about it, go close them yourself.”

“Those people down the street are getting closer. They’re lurching and their clothes are all torn and dirty. I’m going to go lock the house up.”

“You know I can’t hear you when you walk away while you’re still talking.”

“I said I’m going to lo…”

“Erma? Erma? Jeesh, no need to get mad and quit talk…”

©2010 Laura Eno

To Die For - #FridayFlash

Craziest Gadgets


The special-delivery box arrived the night before the big party, the one she'd been invited to even though the director had snubbed her.

"I need a fresh look, someone younger," he'd said. "You understand."

Yes, she understood. Tomorrow night, so would he.

Her fingers traced the contours of the box before opening it, revealing the perfect pair of high heels. Crafted in the image of an alien from the movie, they were undoubtedly a head-turner.

She tried them on, reveling in the sensation as they caressed her feet.

"Are you ready to go hunting, my darlings?"

The heels chittered in anticipation.

©2010 Laura Eno

Thanks to Icy at Icy's Blunt Pencil for giving me the idea with her FB post of the heels. They rock!

One Helluva Party - #FridayFlash

Death roared into the driveway on his chopper, arriving at the strange address that Lucien had given them for his annual luau.

"Did he tell you why he picked Canada this year?" Chronos asked as he held his robes away from the hot tailpipe and removed his helmet.

"No. He didn't say why, but I suspect he has an ulterior motive. He always does. In the meantime, let us enjoy ourselves, my friend. I can smell the roasted pig from here."

Death hung his helmet on the handlebar and they walked around to the back, where the festivities were.

They found Evil talking to the DJ, one of the special demons he brought up for the event. Lucien spotted them and hurried over.

"I'm glad you both could make it."

"What are all of these humans doing here?" Chronos looked about in surprise. "Is that a wedding party over there?"

"Well, yes. I agreed to cater their wedding reception."

"You what?" Chronos and Death both said in unison.

"I don't see what the big deal is," Lucien muttered.

"And if one of the guests just happens to fall into your fire pits…?" Death glared at him, his eye sockets starting to glow.

Lucien held his hands up. "I wouldn't take the bride or groom, of course."

Chronos turned his hourglass, freezing the scene. "Explain."

Evil chomped down hard on his cigar, curls of smoke rising from his head.

"Look, I was desperate. The bride wouldn't give Jeeves back unless I catered her reception. She's one mean dealer."

Chronos noted the admiring glance Lucien shot in her direction. He seemed rather taken with her.

Death grabbed a bowl of peanuts off a table and tossed one of his favorite snacks in the air.

"You can't have any souls here."

"None?"

"No. And how did you explain the succubi?"

Lucien shrugged. "They're dressed like hula girls. Can you please restart time now?"

Chronos looked at Death and shrugged, resetting the hourglass. Time started once again.

"I hope the bride knows what she bargained for."

Lucien rubbed his hands together. "It's going to be one helluva party."

©2010 Laura Eno

The Color of Life - #FridayFlash

"Admit it. You let Lucien win Jeeves back in the poker game."

Chronos smiled as Death pretended not to hear him, the tunes of Death Cab for Cutie vibrating through his skull from the iPod he wore.

"Okay, I'll quit asking. We should leave anyway so Matilda can clean the house."

Death removed the ear buds and dropped his jaw in a smile.

"I have a client to meet soon. You want to go with me?"

"Sure. I've got time."

They rode Death's Harley down to Earth and into the parking lot of a pre-school. Chronos blinked back moisture as they entered the building and Death sat down next to a little girl coloring at a table. These were the hardest ones to accept, but Death showed the kindness that made him a true friend.

"Good morning, Katie." Death picked up a blue crayon with his phalanges. "Do you mind if I color in the sky while you're working on the trees? We don't have much time to visit."

"Sure, Than-an-t…I can't say your name."

"Just call me Death, honey." The innocent always recognized him for who he really was.

Chronos wiped the tears from his eyes. Maybe he shouldn't have come after all.

Death finished coloring the sky for her and then stood.

"I have to go now." He patted the warm flesh of her hand with his cold bones.

Chronos sniffed and Death handed him a tissue.

"Will I see you again?" Katie asked.

"Yes, but not for a long time. Thank you for letting me color with you."

Death turned and headed for the door, Chronos following in confusion.

"She wasn't your client?"

"No, my client just had a heart attack out on the sidewalk."

"Then what were we doing in here?"

Death swung his radius and ulna around Time's shoulders.

"I wanted to color. It's the special moments in life that give meaning to death."

"Oh. Sorry for blubbering." Chronos rubbed his nose, embarrassed by his emotional outburst.

"No, my friend," Death said gently. "It's your compassion that I value most in our friendship. I would do anything for you."

"Does this mean you'll let me drive the Harley back home?"

Death laughed, the sound rattling his rib cage. "No. I would like to keep valuing our friendship and another dunk in the lake might seriously strain it."

©2010 Laura Eno

Poker Night - #FridayFlash

Lucien greeted Death and Chronos with a jovial salute as they arrived for the monthly poker game.

"Glad you could make it, gentlemen. I want to thank the two of you for sending Jeeves to me."

"Why?" Death said. "Did you find a particularly amusing way to torture him?"

"Hell no. He's the best bouncer I've ever had and he broke Lilith's habit of sticking gum under the tables, too."

Chronos stared at him. "Jeeves? I thought he buttled."

"Buttled?" Lucien gave him a blank look.

Death nudged Time in the ribs with his olecranon. "I don't think that's a real word, my friend."

Jeeves came out of the back carrying trays of food. He set it all down on the table and held up a glass dish.

"Peanut, sir?"

Death looked at the four peanuts lying there and raised his metacarpus.

"No! Wait." Lucien ran to the bar and hurdled it, racing back with a bowl full of peanuts. He wiped the sweat from his brow with one hand as he offered the snack to Death with the other.

"Jeeves, go greet our other guests," Lucien said and heaved a sigh of relief as Death took the bowl from him.

Chronos chuckled as he watched Jeeves take a clothes brush to Michael's wings and light Clotho's cigar for her.

"You have him well-trained, Lucien, but he's living on borrowed time around Death."

"I see that," Evil muttered. Death's eye sockets still glowed red and he hadn't tossed a single peanut into them yet.

When War stomped in, Jeeves tried to fuss with his cloak and got a smack in the jaw for his efforts. Death settled back and tossed a peanut into his eye socket, his jaw dropped in a grin. He picked up the deck of cards and shuffled them.

"Five card stud, anyone? Opening wager is Jeeves's soul."

©2010 Laura Eno

The Value Of Friendship - #FridayFlash

A dour man opened the door to Time's residence when Death knocked.

"Is the Master expecting you?"

Death stared the man down, eye sockets glowing red. The butler didn't blink.

"Jeeves, let Death enter and go buttle, or whatever it is you do." Chronos edged the man away from the door. "Sorry about that."

"Since when did you hire staff?"

Chronos sighed and sank back down on the sofa, looking like he'd fought a battle all morning.

"The Purgatory Registration Center has a new "Right to Work" clause in their union contract. They told me I have to employ at least one staff member."

"That sucks, dude. My Furies count as staff so they won't bother me with that. Hey, Jeeves, be useful and bring me a bowl of peanuts, will you?"

Chronos watched in fascination as Jeeves brought out four peanuts on a crystal dish, insisting on holding onto it while Death snacked. The ensuing tug-of-war ended when Death waved his hand and the butler disappeared.

"Where'd he go?"

"I sent him to Lucien's bar. You didn't want to keep him, did you?"

"No, but he was better than the housekeeper they sent over this morning. She turned on the vacuum while I was watching TV and told me to get my feet off the coffee table."

"I have the perfect solution." Death popped out and Chronos heard the Harley start up outside. A short time later he came roaring back, carrying a statue into the house.

"What's this?" Chronos looked at the lifelike old woman dressed in a uniform as Death propped her in the corner.

"Meet Matilda, your new housekeeper. I went over to the registration center and interviewed staff for you. Matilda here turns into a statue whenever she hears a loud noise."

"Perfect." Chronos clapped his friend's clavicle and sat back down on the sofa, turning the volume up on the TV. Death joined him with a proper bowl of peanuts.

"I wonder how Lucien's getting on with Jeeves?" Chronos said.

Death dropped his jaw and tossed a peanut into the air. "I'm sure by now he's sent Jeeves where he belongs."

©2010 Laura Eno

Warning System - #FridayFlash

Death and Chronos strained against the winds of the hurricane, gaining ground one slow foot at a time as they tried to reach their goal. Hail the size of oranges beat down on their heads as the unlucky duo struggled in the storm.

Battered and exhausted, both knew that giving up was not an option. Matters far more important than weather awaited them on the other side.

"Do you need help, my friend?" Death's words were lost in the maelstrom, but he managed to grab Time's sleeve before he went down.

"Thanks." Chronos hoped they could take a breather if they reached the eye—unless he collapsed first.

He saw the funnel just in time and signaled Death. They threw themselves to the ground as the tornado spun right over them, sucking up grass and trees in its mad dash across the landscape.

"That was close," Death mumbled and tried to stand back up, his phalanges catching in the hem of his robe.

Snow dumped on them from a blackened sky, the blizzard making it impossible to see.

"Link arms and go straight," Chronos shouted as they high-stepped through two feet of snow.

They both bumped into a tree and slid down the trunk. Death reached up with the last of his strength and rang the doorbell.

Sunshine and flowers emerged as they struggled to their feet. Chronos was still picking twigs out of his hair when Gaia answered the door.

"Greetings, boys. You're late. Earl Grey or jasmine tea?" She turned and climbed the staircase inside the tree, signaling for them to follow.

Chronos leaned over and whispered in Death's auditory tube. "Do you think she'd mind turning off her security system when it's time for us to leave?"


©2010 Laura Eno

Love at the Muskoka River

Cathy Olliffe over at Life on the Muskoka River is doing a countdown to her wedding by posting different wedding stories on her blog. Today, she's featuring mine - which I forgot to tell my hubby about. Sorry, Rick! :)

You can read my story here. Thanks, Cathy!

Don't forget to send her your own story!

Under the Sea - #FridayFlash

Chronos had just stepped out of his kitchen with an apple when Death materialized in his living room.

"Excuse the abrupt entrance, but I came to warn you—"

A second being solidified, this one dripping on the new shag carpet. Chronos watched a Chilean sea bass flop around on the floor for a moment before raising his eyes to greet the unexpected visitor.

"Poseidon, always a pleasure." He grit his teeth in an approximation of a smile. "What brings you here?"

"You know very well why I'm here, you snarky timepiece."

Poseidon plucked the apple from Time's nerveless fingers and took a bite. Chronos licked his lips as he mourned the loss of his snack. It had been the last one in the fridge.

"You only fixed some of the wormholes."

As Chronos shook his head in denial, Poseidon waved his trident in the air, ripping the chandelier out of the ceiling.

"Did you bother to look underwater? I can answer that. No. My domain is beneath your notice. Two of my best sirens—gone. Entire schools of fish vanished, to be plundered in some alien universe. I should—"

"Poseidon!" Chronos waved his hourglass to get the irate god's attention. "I apologize. I'll get right on it."

With a flash of St Elmo's fire, Poseidon left in a funnel of water, washing a new puddle into the already sodden carpet.

"It might be best to back time up to the spot before he lost his sirens, my friend. He seemed pretty mad." Death picked up the sea bass by its tail. "Do you want fish for dinner? I could make a salad to go with it."

Chronos grinned. "Let me go take care of his problem before that apple hits him."

"What do you mean?"

"It was one of my special apples, soaked in a timing solution. Since he's not used to it, the solution's going to give him a real surprise in about an hour."

Death dropped his jaw in a laugh.

"A most delightful payback for leaving your carpet sullied. I'll come help you. Maybe I can pick up some kelp for the salad while we're there."

©2010 Laura Eno

Employee Relations - #FridayFlash

Lucien gathered his staff in the break room before the bar opened for the evening.

"I want you to be on your best behavior tonight. We have a dignitary coming in."

The new demon bartender looked confused.

"When you say 'best behavior,' do you mean best behavior as in human standards or worst behavior because we're evil?"

Lucien sighed. It was so hard to find good help these days.

"I know you're evil. I meant no screw-ups, got it? Death and Chronos will be in later—"

"But, boss, they're not dignitaries. We see them all the time on poker night."

Evil eyed the bubble-headed waitress with disdain.

"Stop interrupting me when I'm talking, Lilith…and get rid of the gum."

The succubus took the wad from her mouth and stuck it under the tabletop.

"As I was saying, Death and Chronos will be in later to make sure that everything is set up right for Gaia's visit. She only stops in once in a blue moon so I want everything to go smoothly."

"Will she be wantin' fancy snacks?"

Lucien wanted to wipe the sneer from the little Scotsman's face, but the soul from purgatory was the only cook small enough to fit in the minuscule kitchen. He puffed double-time on his cigar, trying to calm down.

"She wants tofu on the menu."

"Tofu? I quit." The cook threw his apron on the floor.

"Don't be a loon. You can't quit," Lilith said and cracked a new piece of gum she'd snuck in her mouth.

The bartender raised his hand.

"So you want us to be evil but not screw up, right?"

Lucien waved his hand and the floor opened, swallowing the lot into the flames below.

When Death and Chronos arrived, they found Lucien tending bar.

"Where's your staff, my friend?" Death asked.

"I'm a little short-handed tonight."

"You sent them all to hell again, didn't you?" Chronos laughed as steam spewed out of Lucien's ears.

Death grabbed the bowl of peanuts and tossed one into his eye socket, immediately snorting it back out through his nasal cavity.

"These are the worst peanuts I've ever tasted. What's wrong with them?"

Chronos sniffed the bowl. "They're not real peanuts. They're tofu."

©2010 Laura Eno

We're Baaaaack! - #FridayFlash

"That vacation was great, but it's good to be back." Chronos propped his feet up on the coffee table and passed the bowl of peanuts over to Death.

"Lovely nebula," Death said and tossed a peanut into his eye socket. "I'd go back there again. Do you think anybody missed us?"

Chronos shrugged. "Let's find out." He hit the remote and tuned in to CNN.

"…headline news." The frothy blonde attempted a serious look.

"Zombies are on the rise. Death seems to be on holiday, which could account for the increase in zombie activity.

Also reported are increasing errors in the space-time continuum, leading scientists to wonder who is at the helm? Wormholes are activating in suburban backyards, swallowing gym sets and the occasional toddler. At least one physicist predicts an implosion in the Earth's core within a month.

In other news—"

Chronos switched the TV off. "I guess they missed us."

Death rubbed his phalanges, dropping his jaw in good humor.

"Back to the old grind for us, my friend. Let's not run into Atropos until we've cleaned up though." His bones rattled as he shuddered.

He tossed a helmet at Chronos. "You want a ride on the Harley?"

Sighing, Chronos stuck the helmet on his head.

"I'll do anything to get that beast off my shag carpet."

©2010 Laura Eno

Fast Food - #FridayFlash

This flash is Cecilia Dominic's fault...



No one noticed the shipments at first. Brief blips on the radar of life, happening somewhere else and of no consequence to the average person. A container full of heads here, a box full of legs there; minor oddities on a planet known for such things.

The junior reporter on the 6 o'clock news in Toledo finally discovered the missing piece. To his credit, he continued to broadcast until the end. Unfortunately, only his feet were filmed; the camera dropped at the beginning of the segment by a crewmember, whereabouts unknown.

Sadly, all that is known from the shot is that the aliens have very large feet. The reporter managed to capture a voice clip, a series of chirps and clicks, before the feed went dead.

Although linguists are still trying to translate the sound bite, a note was recovered from the scene. "People of Earth, we require more stuffed craniums and drumsticks. Don't send any more wings. They don't have enough meat on them."

©2010 Laura Eno